I was able to sit with my friend and colleague, Abby Desjardien, to chat about grief and living, and how they are both big and sometime equal parts of this human existence. And maybe that grief is necessary, instructive, and not as dark or scary as we think. Check out her newly launched podcast and our episode here: The Art of Living and Grieving with Dr. Sunita Iyer Enjoy! #griefworkislifework #griefworkismywork #heartoutsideforever Continue reading Living and Grief
I spend a lot of time with postpartum people. Figuring out how to hold their hearts and help them thrive after the birth. Talking through the transition from person to parent, or established parent to parent of yet another. All of it is new, and all of it fraught with uncertainty. People rarely talk about the grief of being a new parent, and really of parenting, period. When you choose to parent, we have to acknowledge that not all people choose and some are forced to. And even still, in all situations, there is a grief. We decide or have … Continue reading Postpartum Grief, Depression, and Anxiety
I mean they don’t call it labor for nothing… It’s been a awhile. I have been taking my own advice that Winter is For Sleeping (you can check out the Muse-letter archives to read that one from last year). I have been sleeping, thinking, reading, writing, and hibernating within myself quite a bit in the last 2 months. And then all of a sudden it was Rohan’s 9th birthday and I realized it was time to step back out. Time to stop growing on the inside and get born already. If you remember those last weeks of pregnancy, you know what I’m talking about…Let’s get … Continue reading Being born hurts…
As a I move further into my adult life, and am making “bigger” moves, it occurs to me that I have never had a clear picture of who I look up to. I have never even articulated or seen the one person that I most revere or emulate. Of course I have seen bits and pieces, namely in my parents. They are incredibly smart, industrious, practical, successful, and, most importantly, generous and kind people. The reality of being an immigrant family in the 70s is that we were distanced from our extended family. I never grew up with my grandparents; … Continue reading Who do you look up to?
Hey y’all, I recently spoke on a podcast with my fantastic colleague Dr. Adam Rinde about postpartum care, stories, and how people’s lives have changed mine. And maybe how we can get better as a healthcare system, providers, and community in the way that we care for postpartum people. He has written this really incredible piece on postpartum depression and hormonal influences, linked here: https://www.soundintegrative.com/post/is-postpartum-depression-an-estrogen-receptor-issue The way to get to our episode on his podcast, One Thing, is linked in the article (you can access via Apple or Android). Take a listen and tell me what you think! Apple listeners: … Continue reading The Birth of Postpartum
A new mom and her baby had come in for their first well-child visit and her son was just 3 days old. Mom was tired and overwhelmed as many new parents are. She was sitting by the window, changing her son’s diaper and just watching him, and she sighed a long, heavy sigh. And just gazed at her son quietly as he wiggled around. There was no slow smile or beaming pride. Just deep sadness. What clinical guidelines, healthcare, and social convention tell us is that she was exhibiting signs of postpartum depression. While that may also have been true, … Continue reading The Birth of Grief
For as long as I can remember, March has always been a really uncomfortable month. Whether here in the PNW or back in the Northeast, March is incredibly strange. It’s wet, cold, windy, sunny, glorious, and in swift rotation. But March and early April has been strange for over 20 years for other reasons too. My grandfather died in March. My nephew died in March. And so did a baby I cared for. And my aunt. Then in April, my grandmother. And Michelle. Strangely, in these same 4 or 5 weeks, over the course two decades, many people I cared … Continue reading Month of Remembrance
If you have been following along for a little while, you know that one of the things I have been ruminating and writing about is loss. We all know it in some way. And we will certainly know more. To live is to love, and also to lose. It’s not uncommon for us to ‘rank’ loss. Which kind of loss is worse, changes us more deeply, is more worthy of grieving, or warrants talking about at all. Is the loss of an aging parent worthy of years of sadness? Can you be devastated by the way divorce changes your life? … Continue reading What kind of loss is harder?
As we approach Thanksgiving and the holiday season in the US, one of the things that gets tossed around is Gratitude. The Big G. If you weren’t feeling that grateful, or even worse, were feeling whiny and self-deprecating, this is the week and the season to just snap out of it! This is the season for good tidings, well wishes, thoughts, prayers, and plain ol’ cheer, right? Don’t get me wrong; I love the concept of cultivating gratitude. There is an intense and dark beauty in being a witness to and feeling appreciation for the ride-or-die friendships or miraculous children that we … Continue reading Is gratitude enough?
This past weekend I got to spend some quality time with my Framily. These people are my friend-family. My chosen family. People who have literally been with me through some of the darkest days of my life thus far, and will also walk alongside me through the ones that await (cuz there’s always more). So naturally we get into some murky stuff as we wade through the years and losses we have lived together. We wondered aloud: do you have any regrets? Would you do everything, as it has played out, over again? We all felt like we were perfectly … Continue reading Would You Do It All Over Again?